Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize