You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
