I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
