my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm getting married
To pizza
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
