Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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