i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
