i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had to cum in my sink.
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