I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
