In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
