JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
