You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
