I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think your dad took our porno
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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