My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
