i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
