i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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