1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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