Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
