y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
