Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
