Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
