Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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