If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
