hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
