She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
