she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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