Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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