From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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