There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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