I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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