DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
