if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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