If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize