Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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