YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
