one might say we're banned from that church
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
