never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drunk is not a location!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
