i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
