just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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