I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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