well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
