we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
