boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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