i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
