And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
