can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize