when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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