Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
