I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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