i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
