Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
