That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
