i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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