Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
