I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize