Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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