I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
