i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
