Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the condom got lost in my hair
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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