the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
