in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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