my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
