Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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