he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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