dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize