I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
