I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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