im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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