I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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