Four minutes until I can fart!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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