I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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