dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
