I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
