I wanna bring you to show and tell
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
