I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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