If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
