I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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