Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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