bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
