My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
