ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
