I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize