You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
