Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize