apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
