The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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