no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
