found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
