I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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