Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
