saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
