All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
