apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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