I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was born a porn star she said
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
