life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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