I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
