dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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