her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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