Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
