evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
