I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
