quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
