He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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