remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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