she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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