I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
