My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
