Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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