Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
