In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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