Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im holly from the hills drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
